I'm positive I lost an electron.

the 85th experience has begun...

CJ CURRY S05 E05: YOU IDIOT HORSE! I SAID POSSE!

It's another arbitrarily-given CJ Curry gift post!

My life is currently ruled by:

• A&W vanilla cream soda. I had a dozen cans in my fridge last Thursday. I now have one.
• Kitsuné Maison music.
• Cricket Captain 2006. I just started my fifth season and I re-signed a bunch of people that I lost last season due to international commitZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
• My red leadership shirt. For a better explanation see this thing here.
• Kerry O'Keeffe's book Skullduggery. What a hilarious man.
• Club music.
• The huge desire for a gaming computer. Pretty soon that dream should become a reality, and I'll be able to blog from something other than a Mac. (Don't hate.)
• Cake bars, Tim Tams, Nerds, barbeque sauce.
• Super Smash Bros. Brawl and the huge desire to get better. MUCH better. I'm way too aggressive.
• Pasta.
• Drum and Bass music.
• My new iPod Touch. There really is an app for it.
• "A Man Walked Into A Bar" jokes. -- A chicken walks into a bar, and tells the bartender "Sorry, wrong joke."
• Bits of paper telling me I'm enrolled in this, that and the other class.
• O week. Done!
• Blue ballpoint pens.
• Walks on the beach at sunset.
• Fantales.
• Microhouse music.
• Thins chips.
• The Oblique Strategies.
• My email, which has given me at least three emails every weekday for the last three weeks. Do the maths yourself.
• Free O Week food.

If you're reading this from Facebook, please please PLEASE go to the actual site. Formatting on Facebook sucks balls.

Seriousness ahoy!

join the experience again soon...

Ahrr. Ahrr ahrr ahrr ahrr ahrr. Ahrr ahrr. Ahrr.

the 84th experience has begun...

CJ CURRY S05 E04: THE COLOUR CHANGES...

It's hard to stay professional when you're a blogger. So I'm just gonna let loose and OHMYGOD AN AEROPLANE

AEROPLANE AEROPLANE AEROPLANE

Ahem. I believe you needed some double-A batteries. Somewhat correct? Fine. I need reimbursement for this: send it to me in the form of a demon, wrapped in cling film and pickled in moat water for three years. Send all demons via air mail to CJ Curry, c/- the President of Australia-land.

\ Backslash.

Ask me why I have an AEROPLANE AGAIN OHMYGOD IT'S ANOTHER AERO-oh wait. That's a helicopter. Bloody helis.

My wall says "Give way to your worst impulse". In that case BLARG. Zort and pie.

It has occurred to me that very few of you have actually seen me in person. Sad. I'm a very quiet and reserved person and don't like to be disturbed. Trust me, some of you world-people can be very disturbing.

/ Forward slash.

Also. If my mathematics is right, then 99.99999% of living people are alive right now. And I want to meet each and every one of them, with horrifyingly deliberate precision.

Cool. AEROPLANE.

By the way, you too can have a ballpoint pen. Just be good to it. Also be good to Green. And be good to... erm... yourself. As it is, I've wasted too much time on chumps, so I gotta bugger off. Also, I can hear voices. Bye.

join the experience again soon...

Turn the page.

the 83rd experience has begun...

CJ CURRY S05 E03: ZOOT ZOOT ZOOT ZOOT ZOOT ZOOT ZOOT ZOOT

Hiya. Sorry, I can't be with you right now. My pet llama has scooted off on me. I really do need that llama. Be back soon.

zoot zoot zoot

Yo. I cornered the bastard. Finally. Then I sold it to my neighbour, the horse. SEE WHAT I DID THAR? NEIGH-BOUR? HORSE? HAR HAR HAR oh shit DON'T LYNCH ME

*lynch*

damn. Oh well. I still need to find my wedge-tailed eagle and go fer my gopher. SEE WHAT I DID THAR? GO-FER? GOPHER? HAR HAR HAR oh shit DON'T ZAP ME

*zap zap*

damn. Hey, wait, you're only supposed to zap me once!

*shrug*

What the fuck, man?

*eh*

Fine. I'll just look for my wedge-tailed eagle. I'll hunt it down using a golf club. SEE WHAT I DID THAR? GOLF CLUB? WEDGE? HAR HAR HAR oh shit DON'T... um... what are you gonna do next?

*attack attack*

Fuck. Well, that's all my attackingness for the day. I'd better skedaddle. Fast.

*chase*

................

he'll never find me here

................

*stop chase*

Okie. Bye bye!

*attack*

FUCK!

join the experience again soon...

Words of wisdumb.

the 82nd experience has begun...

CJ CURRY S05 E02: WHAT IF YOU NEVER READ THIS BLOG?

timebomb. ticky ticky.

Spelunky score: $341,050. Now I wish that was real moneys.

My training has finished and I am now sorting through the most massive pile of emails that I have ever had but I'm pretty sure it'll get bigger once I become a desk jockey oh wait never mind I'm delusional again.

I never told you what I did for the summer:

• wrecked the CIA's master plan
• rediscovered my innocence and everyone else's
• got The CJ Curry Experience published and in all major bookstores
• freefell five hundred miles
• zapped a zeppelin
• wore socks
• loved too many, loved too few

So there you go. Experience 80.5 was very eventful. But you won't hear it all.

ticky ticky

I need noms. BRB ........ OK, back now. (When I need noms I don't dick around.)

I'm just going to have a look at my diary... yep, my diary is still nice and black.

Oh yeah, I've decided for some strange and subconscious reason that colours are good and I'm wearing less black than I usually do. Blue wristband, colourful bandanna, white shoes. But still black slogan T-shirts and black shorts. Black > colours.

I still haven't hung up my Ratatat poster. I should probably do that, y'know. But still,

ticky ticky

it feels more like a souvenir when it's all rolled up and on my desk. Screw it, I'm sticking it up.

The street corners are gnashing together like the gears inside of the head of some omniscient engineer. Gasp.

ticky ticky KABOOM

join the experience again soon...

I emerge from my coffin of doom.

the 81st experience has begun...

CJ CURRY S05 E01: YOU'RE GONNA HATE ME FOR THIS...

So. Welcome back to the CJ Curry Experience for 2011. I'm CJ, I eat curry, and this is the Experience.

If you're just joining me this season, I encourage you to look through the archive of my inanity for all the rubbish I'm about to share with you, so I can avoid typing it again. But here goes anyway, for the ignorant ones.

Full name: CJ.

Address: people address me as CJ.

Postcode: the Enigma code.

Home Phone: ET.

Marital Status: not yet.

Occupation: student.

Race: 1500m. If you take issues of race seriously, then it's the mile.

Height: ten foot three.

Weight: twenty stone.

Unusual Quirks: likes using the Imperial measurement system to piss people off.

Smoker: only when I'm on fire.

Drinker: only from the well of lost dreams.

Time Spent Drinking: 18 years. (In base ten.)

Age: 20 years. (In base ten.)

Glasses Drunk Per Day: depends how big the glass is.

Physical Exercise: limited only to sex.

Years Spent Doing Physical Exercise: 19 years. (In base ten.)

Time Spent Blogging: unknown...

Outfit: bandanna, shorts/jeans, one or two slogan/sarcastic T-shirts, occasionally a hoodie. Oh, and also underwear. Wristwatch (soon). Lanyard with my keys on. Sometimes all white with armour and a plank of wood lovingly called a "cricket bat".

Video Games: probably over a hundred by now. Don't ask me to count them. I'll probably collapse.

Music: see post 77 (from Season 4).

Aim: bulls-eye.

I think that's about it. If you want to know anything else, then psychically transmit your question into my head, and wait 36 years for a reply. Cheers.

This year... I will be six foot three.

I now live in a flat. (A flat what?)

This year I already had a cold. (A cold what?)

I tell a lot of bad jokes. (Jokes what?)

THE ABC OF CJ CURRY:

• aeroplane
• bicycle
• cheese
• derriére
• eggs
• fuck you! friday
• grand!
• haha.
• I'm
• just
• kidding.
• Look!
• My
• noms
• on
• pie!
• Quirky.
• RARR.
• Stupidity?
• Tricked you!
• Umbrella, I guess...
• V for Vendetta
• whisky and beer, never fear
• XXX is for porno! And beer!
• yes, I hate beer.
• Zee end.

Adieu. For now. But not for later.

join the experience again soon...