Play with me. Learn with me. Sing.

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE: EPISODE CVI

"DESTROY HIP HOP! DESTROY ROCK AND ROLL! DESTROY DEATH METAL! DESTROY ELECTRONICA! DESTROY COUNTRY-WESTERN! DESTROY POP!"

I just realised something. Though you know what's happening in the world (thanks largely to my awesomeness and your stupidity - because seriously, how stupid can you get, deciding to read this junk?) I haven't told you much about Curryland lately.

Curryland is... boring.

But then again, not many of you know what Curryland is like. It's a mythical land and not many of you have been there. I feel I owe it to you to explain what Curryland is like, so you can make your own decisions about whether to visit or not. So here is my description of Curryland.

Curryland is... boring.

Okay, serious now. Imagine Curryland as like the land in Borderlands. Although I've been waiting weeks to use that comparison, it's not entirely true. There is desert. But there's also massive grassland, ice lands, a huge volcano rising above craggy rocky mountains, a city in the clouds, beautiful beaches and ocean, and a rainforest. Although I've been waiting years to use that description from a whole bunch of different Super Mario Bros games, it's also not entirely true. But there is really a desert. And a city. I live in the heart of the city, in a suburb known as Currytopia.

Curry City is a beautiful city. It's about double the size of Sydney (or about 9k square miles) and triple the population of Melbourne population (for all you non-Melburnians out there, try roughly twelve million people). It's got a beach twice the size of Brisbane's biggest, and it's as far away from any other city as is Perth. It has as many churches as Adelaide, as much warm weather as Darwin, as many market days as Hobart, and we don't have a parliament house so we're not like Canberra. So there. That's Curry City.

Curryland is under the rule of the Grand High Super Top Head Vice Ultra Mega Happy Democrator Aloysius J. Snottenheimer, Ph. D., supreme dictator of the Democratic Republican Empire of Curry (or Curryland for short). We're allowed to address him as "Hey You". Though he is a dictator, he's also a benevolent emperor and a kind and caring CEO.

We're a happy bunch here. The murder rate is 0%. The crime rate is 0.01% (purely from petty shoplifters and one person who drove under the influence of alcohol - though nothing serious happened to her). Hey You doesn't have any opposition; he doesn't need it, except one time when he decided that he wanted the fish for dinner one night but he was told that the restaurant was all out of fish. (After a short exchange, he decided on a parmigiana instead.) We also have absolutely no problems with anything else.

We are not a metaphor, we're just a myth. But still, we love the utopia. We don't want out. Because if we get out, kittens will die. We like kittens.

Anyway. Enough of that morbidity. I'll get back to work.

Toothpicks are shiny.

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE: EPISODE 01101001

"PSYCHIC FORETELLING POWERS?"

I munch my cold leftover pizza and finish my music review. I type.

I eat a chocolate bar. I glance at the clock. I realise I should probably fuck off as I have sleep to attend to (otherwise kittens will die).

I ignore my own advice. I look at Facebook. I also look up meme faces. I search for "Challenge Accepted".

I glance at tomorrow's to-do list. I see three tasks. I take a more in-depth look. I see eight tasks. I cross off the two I've already done. I still see eight tasks. I remember the two I crossed off were daily tasks.

I immerse myself in the soundlab soundscapes. I reflect on micro and minimalistic music. I want to induce a micro phase upon myself. I uncontrollably think of Inception. I uncontrollably think of the Game. I lose the Game.

I look at my wombat. I enjoyed filming today.

I consider the progress I've made in Borderlands. I believe I'm doing a good job. I remember I'm at Lv37 and I remember I'm in Jakobs Cove in Playthrough 1. I like it.

I snap back to reality. I remember that tomorrow I'm feeding a third of the college. I realise they're cooking it themselves. I recognise that I've done this before.

I throw two dice. I roll a six and a three. I note that this is equal to my charisma score. I can't remember if equal-or-greater is positive for me, or equal-or-lower, or strictly-lower, or strictly-greater. I grab my +2 sword instead. I can't remember what that adds two points to. I ready my last Fireball spell. I fling it at the Black Pudding. I read my iPod. I remember that in RPGs iPods don't exist and the iPod vanishes with a puff of logic. I have a cup, and it is full of tea. I move north and I hit a brick wall. I remember that I'm in my bedroom and north of me is a brick wall. I remember Randy Pausch. I walk through the brick wall.

I get eaten by a grue.

(psst. time to fuck off, eh?)

When will you learn? When will I learn?

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE: EPISODE 2³ x 13

"DELICIOUS, NUTRITIOUS AND BLAND"

...

...

...

...

...

Whoa. You startled me. I didn't expect you to return. At all. Erm... I actually have nothing planned, so I'll just make some shit up. OK? OK. Here goes.

"Leave Night-Time Alone"

as the city sleeps

the sky is lit

and time is lost

i sit on the ridge

visions of tomorrow

running through me

consequences of today

life's burdens are forgotten

life's pleasures are here

a walk is in order

through the concrete jungle

into the forest

of lights and music

people are still walking

people are still talking

people are still buying

people are still drinking

i'm alone in the crowd

the lights are for me

and for me only

it feels nicer

than four hours later

enjoy while you can

tomorrow i'll be dead

tonight i'm very alive

don't worry, i'm fine

Inspiration: an evening on Mt Cooper followed by a walk in the city two nights later. And yes, I made it all up on the spot (save the title, and the last line). So on with the random junk.

Tomorrow I have an interview. They get to ask me questions and I get to answer them and I get to waffle on about my life and how much I am going to have so much fun with my life next year. I swear. In fact I'm considering extending my project. Not sure. Don't take me at my exact word (otherwise kittens will die). I, I, I I I I IIIIIIIIIIIIwe are glad that you are following this Experience. And now here is a cat.

*meow*

And now here is an aeroplane.

*eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeYOWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwww*

And now here is me leaving.

*ka-chunk*

What an august month.

THE CJ CURRY EXPERIENCE: EPISODE 42 + 37 + 24

"YOU CAN NOT RUN, DON'T BOTHER HIDING"

Time for one of my (in)famous posts about world events and junk like that. Trust me. There will be junk.

• England. Rowan Atkinson has had a car accident, but he's fine. Apparently he lost control of the vehicle and crashed, but was taken to hospital with only minor injuries. You may remember Atkinson from the spy-comedy Johnny English. (via mirror.co.uk)
• Still England. Rupert "Oh Shut Up We've Heard Too Much About You This Fortnight" Murdoch is in even deeper trouble after more arrests and deleted emails. Seriously, guys: HACKING IS WRONG. (via abc.net.au)
• The Phillippines. Police have been charged with abuse of power after they forced trainees to eat, and rub onto their genitals, chillies. Until uni, I always thought "hazing" was a weather effect. Clearly not. (via gulfnews.com)
• Scotland. A skydiver has survived a plunge from over 1,000m with just a broken ankle, after both her parachutes failed. A fellow skydiver reportedly gave her a lucky crystal before jumping, claiming that it helped. Yeah, how lucky can you be when your parachutes both fail?! (via smh.com.au)
• Worldwide. It's Ramadan time again for Muslims worldwide. The month of fasting from sunup to sundown in order to teach Muslims about humility and patience happens roughly this time every year, and every year I'm more impressed. (via news.myjoyonline.com)

Now back to Australia.

• Sydney. A teenager has survived a collar bomb threat after a 10-hour ordeal, during which it was determined that there was no explosive in the device. The "ransom" note was signed with the name of a fictional character. Silly extortionist: now the police will hunt down everyone who loves that book. My thoughts go out to the girl, currently studying for HSC. (via smh.com.au)

Now elsewhere again.

• Worldwide. Google+ has taken off faster than Twitter or Facebook. What is it? Facebook. What does it look like? Not Facebook. Holy shit, I'm now looking at the word "Facebook" and it looks weird. (via computerworld.com)

Sports news. Locally. Again.

• Australia. The AFL is in the spotlight again as comments about teams "tanking" - deliberately losing games to finish with end-of-season draft perks - have been made, yet again. This practice will be particularly evident this weekend, when Geelong will crush the Gold Coast 62.28.400 to 0.0.0. Seriously: RANDOMISE YOUR DRAFT PICKS. That will be the end of tanking. (via theaustralian.com.au)

Finally, weather. There will be lots of it worldwide.

Join me again soon, as I discuss the finer points of being a washed-up blogger who has run short of ideas. Please. Otherwise kittens will die.